Hey Crapface,

I was going to apologize for that first letter, but forget it. I had a dream last night that you missed a performance of mine, then turned off your phone so I couldn’t get a hold of you. When we finally did talk, you asked if I could bring you home a Reuben, selfish pr!ck.

So, by the way, “stay out of my f$&#ing life” covers the dreamworld, too, pissant.

Cram it.

~C